In the U.S. in 2023, around 22 million adults had a major depressive episode, or a period of depressive symptoms lasting longer than two weeks that impacted their mental health and wellbeing. In addition, studies show that roughly 15 million children under the age of 18 – around 20 percent – have a parent with a major depressive disorder.
Parents with a new diagnosis of depression often feel overwhelmed. They’re concerned for themselves and their own mental health, of course. But the primary concern for many parents is this:
How will my depression affect my kids?
If you’re a parent with a new depression diagnosis, we’re sure you can relate. This may have been the first question that popped into your mind, because it’s an important question to ask. One thing you’ll learn quickly – if you haven’t felt it already – is that depression can affect all areas of your life, including your parenting. That’s reason to be concerned. But hear us clearly when we say it’s not a reason to freak out, think less of yourself, or think you can no longer be a parent.
We’ll explain, by addressing two critical points right away:
- Your depression can have a negative impact on your children.
- There are proactive steps you can take to minimize this impact.
When you take the proactive steps recommended by mental health professionals, you can learn how your depression might affect your kids, and you can learn the skills and strategies you need to manage your depressive symptoms and mitigate the impact depression might have on your kids.
In other words, you can still be a good, supportive, and effective parent.
We’ll be very real here: depending on the severity of your disorder, there may be times when you need to step back from being the primary parent. You may need to spend time in immersive treatment to regain balance and develop the tools you need to get back on track. However, if you build a strong support system for yourself and your kids, you can meet and overcome the challenges a diagnosis of depression creates for you, individually, for your kids, specifically, and for your family as a whole.
This article can help. We’ll answer some of the most common questions parents with depression ask, and offer practical tips and advice to help you balance healing and parenting.
How Can My Depression Affect My Kids?
We’ll start with how depression can affect your parenting, which is a direct result of how depression affects you. It’s important to understand that depression can have a negative impact on your:
- Mood
- Cognitive function
- Peer/spouse relationships
- Sleeping
- Eating
- Work life
In addition, studies show parents with depression show increases in:
- Hostility toward children
- Negative interactions with children
- Disengagement from children
Overall, experts indicate that parents with depression have an increased likelihood of displaying parenting behaviors that are less warm, positive, responsive, and supportive of their children, compared to parents without depression. The impact of these behaviors on children can be significant, and may include increased likelihood of the following:
- Depression/other mental health disorders
- Impaired overall physical health and well-being
- Chronic health conditions
- Behavioral problems
- Experiencing abuse or neglect
- Developing attachment issues
- Impaired cognitive/intellectual function
- Decreased academic achievement
Please understand that when research says increased likelihood of the following that’s exactly what it means.
Your depression doesn’t mean your child will experience those things.
The same is true for the impact of depression on your parenting.
Your depression does not mean that you’ll automatically be hostile, disengaged, or less warm toward your kids.
The information we share above means that in large samples of parents with and without depression, parents with depression were more likely to display those behaviors than parents without depression, and children with parents with depression were more likely to experience those negative consequence than children with parents without depression.
Here’s what we want you to take away from this section of this article: yes, depression can have a negative impact on you and your kids, but it doesn’t mean it will. The outcome of your specific situation depends on you, your diagnosis, the severity of your symptoms, your family dynamic, the personalities of your kids, your support system – and what happens once you receive your diagnosis.
Treatment for Depression: Parents Welcome
The best way to reduce the negative consequences of your depression on your kids is to find high-quality, evidence-based treatment and commit to the treatment process. The article “Review of Interventions for Parental Depression from Toddlerhood to Adolescence” shows there are three parallel/intersecting paths to take: a treatment path for you, a treatment path that involves and your child or children, and one for your children.
First. treatment for you, without your kids, might involve:
- Individual cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
- Group cognitive behavioral therapy (GCBT)
- Interpersonal psychotherapy for depressed mothers (IPT-MOMs)
- Parent support groups
- Parent education groups
Second, treatment for you, your kids, and family together may include:
- Family group cognitive behavioral therapy (FGCBT)
- Family-Based Preventive Intervention Programs (PIP)
- Cognitive-Behavioral Family Intervention (CBFI)
- Toddler-parent Psychotherapy (TPP)
Third, treatment for kids/teens without you may include:
- Individual cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
- Group cognitive behavioral therapy (GCBT)
- Coping with depression (CWD)
- Coping with stress (CWS)
As you can see, the evidence suggests that cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective approaches for depression treatment for you, your family, and your teen. In a nutshell, CBT helps people of all ages recognize the relationships between thought, emotion, and behavior. Here’s a helpful article on the benefits of CBT:
How Does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Help Children, Teens, and Young Adults?
During CBT, therapists help patients identify maladaptive thoughts and patterns of thought related to distressing emotions and non-productive, maladaptive behaviors. Next, they work with patients to create constructive patterns of thought that yield productive, healthy behaviors.
CBT can work for you, your children, and your family – but you have to take the first step and find a treatment center that meets your needs.
Where Can I Find Help?
Locating and committing to professional support is the most important thing you can do to minimize the impact of depression on you and your kids. Including your family in the treatment process support is vital: evidence shows that when the whole family knows what’s going on and how they can support the family member with depression, outcomes improve. You may be tempted to keep your diagnosis a secret and handle it all alone: resist that temptation.
In this context, open, honest communication with everyone involved is the best approach. You don’t have to hide your diagnosis. There are age-appropriate ways to discuss depression with younger children – have a look at this helpful article – and most teenagers won’t need the facts sugar-coated. What they need is to know the facts, know you’re working on yourself, and understand that you love them unconditionally, just like before you received your diagnosis.
To find a therapist near you, you can call us at Bay Area Clinical Associates at call us at (844) 763-5532, contact us via this form, or use an online therapist finder like those provided by the American Psychological Association (APA) and the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).
What Can I Do for Myself?
Getting professional support is essential, because clinical depression rarely resolves or remits on its own. However, in conjunction with therapy, medication, and whatever type of community support groups your therapist might recommend, there are several lifestyle choices you can make that can increase your chances of managing your symptoms and living a full and productive life.
Remember: taking care of yourself is the first step toward taking care of your children.
Five Things Parents Can Do to Manage Depression
1. Talk to Friends and Get Out of the House
You may want to hide from the world, but don’t. Say yes to plans with friends and make plans with friends yourself. Having a robust social network of supportive peers who you to talk to about serious things or just have fun with is essential. We can’t stress this enough: make an effort to be around people, especially friends you know lift your spirits.
2. Exercise and Activity
Stay moving and stay engaged with the world. Exercise can be as simple as walking 20 minutes a day, or as involved as joining a gym and going to several group exercise classes a week. And as far as activity goes, you get to decide what to do. Spending time in the garden, volunteering for neighborhood clean ups, or anything that gets you outside and gets you moving will help. The idea is to stay active, stay connected, and keep doing things that are fun. Another benefit of staying active is that when you use energy during the day, you increase your chances of getting good sleep at night.
3. Healthy Eating
Prioritize a diet high in whole grains, fruits and vegetables, and lean protein. Reduce your daily intake of processed sugar, alcohol, and caffeine. These are the basics of good health, which are easy to forget when your mood is low, or you’re preoccupied with managing symptoms. Good food on a consistent basis can work wonders: it keeps your body and mind healthy, and the simple act of enjoying a meal with people you care about can improve your mood.
4. Sleep Hygiene
Do your best to get at least 7 hours of sleep a night. Helpful tips include: keeping your bedroom cool and dark, turning off screen devices half an hour before bed, avoiding caffeine and alcohol before bed, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, going to bed and getting up at the same time every day. Good sleep improves overall physical and mental health, while poor sleep, over time, is associated with a wide range of physical, emotional, and psychological problems.
5. Stress Reduction
Work with your therapist to find what works best for you. For some parents, it might be yoga, for others it might be meditation, and for others it might be mindful walking or a typical hobby or exercise routine. The important thing is to find what works for you and make it part of your regular schedule. Me time really works, and your stress reduction really can be whatever works for you: from getting a mani-pedi to retreating to the mancave and listening to old records, if it relaxes you and reduces stress, it counts.
You’re Still You – And You Can Do This
Remember: having depression doesn’t make you any less of a person or disqualify you from being a good parent. Depression is a medical condition that responds to evidence-based treatment. Receiving a diagnosis for a medical condition doesn’t make you less than you were before or have any bearing on your quality as a person or as a parent, any more than receiving a diagnosis for diabetes or a heart condition does. Your job is to seek professional support, follow the advice of your treatment team, use the tips above to help you in your day-to-day life, and keep showing up every day for your kids.
