We published an article at the beginning of this school year – which we’ll link to below – about how to help children manage back to school anxiety: in this article, we’ll follow up with helpful information on general anxiety among kids, teens, and adolescents, and how you can help them manage their worry and/or anxiety when it causes problems.
Let’s quickly review the prevalence of anxiety among children and teens in the U.S. We retrieved this information from publications in the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry and a special report on anxiety from the Child Mind Institute.
Prevalence of Anxiety: Kids and Teens
- Age 6-11: 6.2% report symptoms of anxiety (1.5 million)
- Age 12-17:
- 9% diagnosed with clinical anxiety in their lifetime (8.2 million)
- 3% diagnosed with clinical anxiety with severe impairment (2.1 million)
Now let’s look that the prevalence of anxiety diagnoses among teens, but type of anxiety disorder.
Types of Anxiety: Teens 13-18
- Specific phobia: 13% (3.3 million)
- Social anxiety disorder: 9% (2.3 million)
- Separation anxiety: 8% (2.1 million)
- Panic disorder: 2% (516,000)
- Generalized anxiety disorder: 2% (516,000)
That’s the real data, presented in clinical language. Now let’s take a look at the most common things kids and teens worry about, in common language with no clinical jargon.
Kids and Teens: Developmentally Appropriate Worries
It’s interesting: when we think about childhood, we often forget about the things we worried about, things that caused us anxiety, or things that made us feel fearful or upset. Well, we forget most things: Gen-X parents will never forget seeing the movie Jaws and fearing any body of water for years – but we digress.
Here’s a list of common worries among children and adolescents, by age.
Birth to Age 2:
Loud noises, sudden/unexpected movements, large/unfamiliar/unusual objects, separation from parents or caregivers, animals (they may get used to family pets), the dark/being alone in the dark, strangers/adults they don’t know.
Ages 3-5:
Separation from parents or caregivers, people wearing costumes or masks, monsters, unfamiliar animals (not family pets), the dark/being alone in the dark, sleeping alone, accidents/injuries, extreme weather such as thunder, lightning, powerful wind.
Ages 6-10:
Separation from parents or caregivers, being victims of crime such as burglary/kidnapping/violence, injuries and illness, germs, insects like spiders, etc., natural disasters, ghosts and/or things like that – demons from comics, etc., death/dying, friendships, academics, and social status/social belonging
Ages 10-13:
Social status, physical appearance, friendships, bullying/being bullied, social/athletic achievement, academic tests, extreme weather, death/dying, insects.
Ages 15-18:
Personal appearance, body image, sexuality, social/romantic relationships, moral/ethical/political/social issues, the future, academic/athletic performance, family issues.
Children worry, too: it’s a fact – and that’s a list of what they worry about. But how do you know when their worries, fears, or anxieties cross the threshold and become symptoms or warning signs of an anxiety disorder?
Signs of Anxiety in Children and Adolescents
In youth, anxiety typically manifests in three ways: physical symptoms, mental/emotional symptoms, and behavioral symptoms. Here are the most common ways these symptoms appear:
- Mental/Emotional Symptoms: daily worry, fear, irritability
- Physical Signs: phantom headaches, stomachaches, etc.
- Behavioral Signs: tantrums, procrastinating, withdrawing from friends
For a complete list of the signs and symptoms of anxiety in children and teens, please read this article, which we mentioned in the introduction:
How Can Parents Help Children and Teens Manage Back-to-School Anxiety?
At this point, you may think, “Well, a lot of those signs are not really all that unusual – we all pretty much experience those at some point when we’re kids or teens.” And you’re not wrong. Many of us do experience some, if not all, of those symptoms.
For a parent, what matters most when looking at these symptoms are the following factors:
- Frequency: if many of these symptoms happen every day, consider a professional evaluation for anxiety
- Duration: if symptoms appear almost every day for 1-3 months, consider a professional evaluation for anxiety
- Severity: if symptoms cause significant emotional distress, consider a professional evaluation for anxiety
A mental health professional can diagnose your child or teen and recommend a course of treatment that may involve a combination of the following:
- Psychotherapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
- Medication, including anxiolytics
- Lifestyle changes, including healthy eating, exercise, and stress management
- Mindfulness/meditation, such as mindful walking and breathing exercises
Those are the approaches to expect if you decide to seek professional support for your child or teen – but professional support is only part of the picture.
What You Can Do at Home to Help Kids and Teens With Anxiety
There are also effective ways to help your child or teen at home whether they have a clinical anxiety disorder or they’re managing the typical worries, anxieties, and fears that we all have when we’re growing up – which we list above.
How You Can Help Your Child With General Anxiety
1. Be Patient
It’s important to understand that anxious behavior is not misbehavior. It’s how they’re responding to feelings they neither recognize nor have the skills to deal with.
2. Be Proactive
If they show any of the signs and symptoms we list above – or on the page we link to – then try to get to the bottom of what’s happening in the moment. Tell them you can see they’re going through a difficult spot, and ask them if they need your help, need your advice, need a hug, or need time and space to let their emotions out. Essentially, you ask “What do you need?”
3. Listen and Learn
Avoid the impulse to be directive or prescriptive – at first. Asking them what they need will help validate and support them during anxious moments. If you immediately start offering solutions, they may feel like you haven’t taken the time to listen to and understand their needs. Yes, they need your help, but what they need first is your support and the comfort your support brings rings.
4. Help Them Develop Skills
If they have a therapist, work with them to learn what triggers their anxiety, and help them practice the skills the therapist provides to manage anxiety symptoms. If they don’t have a therapist, help them with techniques you know, such as taking deep breaths, taking space from circumstances that cause anxiety, or taking a self-care time-out to engage in a hobby or something fun and enriching.
5. Be Consistent
It’s important to set clear expectations for behavior that children understand, and clear outcomes for when children meet/don’t mee those expectations. When a child doesn’t know what to expect at home, or what their parents’ expectations are for their behavior, they may legitimately worry and fear how their parents will react to things. That’s why we put this item on my list. You can reduce anxiety in your child by keeping the home calm, the rules reasonable and consistent, and by always modeling patience, compassion, and open, honest, communication.
Those are things that can help your child or teen. However, as parents, we often have impulses that feel right or correct to us but have a impact on our child. The team at the Child Mind Institute compiled a short list of things to avoid when supporting a child or teen with anxiety.
Kids, Teens, and Anxiety: Things That Don’t Help
1. Asking Too Many Questions
After you ask them if they need your help, and an initial question or two about what’s going on, let the questions rest – especially if they have trouble coming up with clear answers. Putting pressure on an anxious person almost always backfires. Ask the essentials, then follow their lead, which may include backing off and giving them space.
2. Playing Pollyanna
It’s important to look on the bright side of life, of course, but kids and teens can sniff out insincerity a mile away. Saying everything will be fine is reassuring to a point – but saying it over and over may feel false to a child. Instead, praise the effort they make to deal with their challenges, rather than predict an outcome you can’t guarantee.
3. Solving it Without Them
It’s critical to help your child develop coping skills, as much as we want to swoop in and fix every problem our children face. To help your child, talk through the problem and come up with solutions together. This models positive coping, increases self-esteem, and develops the agency they need to process anxiety and stress independently.
One final thought for this list: please avoid the impulse to protect them from any and all stress, challenge, difficulty or anxiety. Yes, there are some things to avoid: if a kid hates loud noises and flashing lights, you don’t take then to a monster truck show. But if they get nervous about things they need to learn to manage, then they need practice meeting, handling, and overcoming those challenges: if you prevent that, it will take them longer to learn the skills they need to become independent, thriving adults.
Anxiety and Your Child
Inside all of this advice about what to do and not to do for you child or teen, we left out one important step:
“Check Yourself.”
What we learn as parents is that our kids are often reflections of ourselves. One way this happens is that they often act as vessels for our emotional subtext, or what we feel but don’t say. If we’re anxious and upset, they sense this, and may act out. This may appear as misbehavior, but it’s often a child acting on powerful emotions they don’t understand.
Therefore, when we see signs of anxiety in our children, we need to check ourselves for signs of anxiety, too.
If your child acts out, acts anxious, or acts depressed, ask yourself:
What’s going on with me? Are they channeling things I’m feeling?
It’s essential to identify and get a handle on your emotions before helping your child identify and manage theirs. That’s why one of the most important items on the list above is “Listen and Learn.” When we jump into fix-it mode instantly, we often bring our emotional baggage to the situation, which is not helpful at all.
If a child is anxious, they don’t need your anxiety, too. The emotion they bring to the situation is sufficient. Any emotional input from you beyond your kind and loving support may derail the situation and increase their anxiety. If their behavior pushes your buttons, you absolutely must follow your own advice, take a deep breath, get control of yourself, and re-engage when you’re calm and centered. When you do that, you can model emotional regulation, help them with their coping skills, and teach them it’s possible to face their fears, overcome their anxiety, and live life on their own terms.
Finding Help for Children With Anxiety
First, you can contact us here at Bay Area Clinical Consultants.
Next, you can use the therapist and treatment locators provided by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), and the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
When an individual – child, adolescent, or young adult – needs treatment and support for a clinical mental health disorder, the sooner they get evidence-based treatment from a licensed, qualified, and experienced mental health professional, the better the outcome.
