Summary: Your teen may get angry so much for a wide variety of reasons. Some are typical for their stage of development – adolescence – while other may be related to past events, current levels of stress, or the presence of a mental health disorder.
Key Points:
- Anger is a normal human emotion that includes both positive and negative aspects
- Anger can help protect us from aggression by enabling us to respond in kind to acts of aggression committed against us
- Getting angry can reveal what matters to us: when we get angry, we may dig in our heels on issues or morality, ethics, and responsible behavior, which aligns us with our beliefs and makes them clear to others
- In teens, anger can be unpredictable, confusing, and overwhelming, and may be an indication of an underlying mental health disorder
- Chronic, unprocessed anger can lead to significant, long-term problems with physical, mental, and behavioral health
Causes of Teen Anger: Possible Reasons Your Teen Gets Angry So Much
Before we share the most common possible reasons behind why your teen gets angry so much, we’ll draw on a helpful resource we found while researching this topic. The authors of the article ”Anger and Adolescence,” published in 2022, designed a review study with the following goal:
“To identify, evaluate, and discuss existing literature on methods and preventive interventions designed to help adolescents identify and manage feelings of anger.”
The review authors offer this definition of anger:
“A negative emotion felt by the individual when restricted, prevented, and attacked and may be concluded with aggressive actions in various types towards the person or condition of cause.”
Here’s another valid definition of anger, provided by the University of California, Berkeley (U.C. Berkeley):
“Anger is the emotional response that we have to an external or internal event perceived as a threat, a violation or an injustice.”
The experts at U.C. Berkeley indicate most people – including teens – experience anger when they feel:
- Vulnerable
- Shamed
- Victimized
- Violated
- Threatened
It’s also important to understand that a teen with a history of trauma or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) may show an atypical level of anger in response to typical daily stimuli or situations.
To learn more about ACEs and how they affect teen mental health, please read this article on our blog: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and Long-Term Mental Health.
Dr. Laura White of the University of Utah offers this insight into why your teen may get angry so much, whether or not they have a history of trauma or ACEs:
“When a teen feels angry or irritable, it’s often a combination of feeling disappointed, embarrassed, guilty, or sad. It comes out as anger because they don’t have the words or ability to express it.”
With that in mind, let’s take a look at the different ways anger can appear in teens.
What Are the Main Types of Anger?
Returning to the study we introduce above, “Anger and Adolescence,” the study authors identify three primary types of anger:
Trait Anger
Trait anger, which may be identified or labeled in individuals as having a temper or having a short fuse or having a tendency toward anger is a concept that describes a default characteristic of a person who frequently expresses situational anger, where situational anger is defined as “when goal-directed behavior is inhibited or the individual perceives the event as an injustice or rejection.”
Anger-out/Externalized anger
This occurs when an individual expresses the emotion of anger through outward-directed verbal or physical aggression. Examples of anger-out, or externalized anger may include:
- Tantrums
- Shouting, yelling, cursing, insulting
- Hitting, punching, kicking, breaking objects
Aggressive, externalizing behaviors associated with anger most often appear in individuals with inadequate anger management skills.
In teenagers, externalizing anger is, in part – but not wholly – the result of inadequate emotion regulation skills resulting from an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. As Dr. White observes above, one possible reason your teen gets angry so much is the fact their brain is not fully developed.
In mental health, externalizing anger is more common as a symptom among men and boys, compared to women and girls.
Anger-in/Internalized anger
This occurs when an individual has problems expressing anger externally in any way. Rather than express anger, they suppress anger or direct it toward themselves. This internalized anger can exacerbate feelings of disappointment, sadness, isolation, and the feeling of anger itself. It may appear in the following ways:
- Withdrawal from others
- Reduced communication
- Passive-aggressive communication
The study authors indicate that “the inability to express anger will not eliminate it…but leads to keeping angry feelings present for a longer time.” Chronically suppressed anger can lead to increased physical, psychological, and behavioral problems throughout the lifespan. In teens, anger-in or suppressed anger may appear as:
- Worry
- Sadness
- Isolation
- Headaches
- Stomachaches
- Muscle pain
In mental health, internalizing anger is more common as a symptom among women and girls, compared to men and boys.
Now let’s take a look at ways we can help teens understand and process anger.
Anger Management: Practical Skills to Handle Anger
First, we need to mention that if your teen shows signs of externalizing anger or internalizing anger frequently – every day for at least two weeks, or more days than not, on average – we encourage you to arrange a full psychiatric evaluation. Anger in teens may be a symptom of any of the following mental or behavioral health disorders:
- Major depressive disorder (MDD)
- Bipolar disorder (BD I & BD II)
- Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
- Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Personality disorders
- Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
- Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD)
- Intermittent explosive disorder (IED)
- Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
The earlier a teen with a mental or behavioral health disorder gets the evidence-based treatment they need, the better the outcome. For a teen with anger issues – externalizing or internalizing – psychotherapy and counseling, which include anger management skills when teens have anger issues, can help teen process anger in a healthy and productive way.
Here’s an official definition of anger management:
“The process by which an individual controls and expresses anger in a manner that causes no harm to the individual or others.”
In a study called “Anger and Emotion Regulation Strategies: A Meta-Analysis,” a group of researchers identified six common ways individuals manage anger. Here are the six most common approaches to anger management, which include methods present in people with and without training in anger management:
- Avoidance. This involves refusing/refraining from situations which may cause anger. Evidence from the study shows avoidance is ineffective. Avoidance is associated with persistent, recurring, escalating anger.
- Acceptance. This involves allowing the experience of emotion to take place naturally, without trying to deny or suppress the emotion of anger. Evidence from the study shows acceptance is an effective first step in anger management. Acceptance is associated with a decrease in anger and increase in positive mood.
- Cognitive reappraisal. Also called cognitive restructuring, this involves an individual changing the way they think about an event that triggers powerful emotions. Evidence from the study shows that cognitive reappraisal is effective. Cognitive reappraisal in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is associated with decreased anger.
- Rumination. This involves repetitive thinking about an emotional event that triggers anger. Rumination is ineffective. Evidence shows rumination is associated with persistent, recurring, escalating anger.
- Suppression. This involves inhibiting any behavioral expression of emotion. Suppression is ineffective. Evidence shows suppression is associated with persistent, recurring, escalating anger.
That information is useful. It shows us that acceptance and cognitive reappraisal are both effective, evidence-based approaches to anger management. Now let’s take a look at some practical ways you can help your teen manage and process anger.
Anger Management That Works: Based in Acceptance and Cognitive Reappraisal/Restructuring
When we look at the following anger management skills, it’s easy to see how they fall under the broad categories of acceptance and cognitive reappraisal/restructuring. For instance, any skills derived from mindfulness or meditation are a combination of both.
As you read this list, think about which may be associated with changing the way your teen thinks, and which may be associated with your teen learning how to accept things as they are. Consider these effective approaches to anger management:
- Professional mental health support:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
- Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
- Stress reduction
- Stress management
- Identifying what one can and can’t control
- Learning how to set appropriate boundaries
- Learning to advocate – i.e. stand up – for oneself in a respectful manner
- Knowing/learning how to let go
- Knowing/learning effective conflict resolution skills
- Understanding the basics of nonviolent communication
- Using humor when appropriate
- Getting plenty of exercise
- Identifying personal strengths
- Setting realistic goals and expectations
- Avoiding black and white/all-or-nothing thinking
If your teen has a mental health disorder such as anxiety or depression, which can often appear as anger in teens, we encourage an anger management approach that includes professional psychiatric support. To understand why teens may need significant help with anger, whether or not they have a mental health disorder, let’s look at another insight from Dr. White from the University of Utah:
“Their brains aren’t fully developed until their 20s, so while they can think abstractly and feel these big feelings, they don’t quite have the ability to engage in impulse control, emotion regulation, or just taking a moment to think before saying or acting out in an angry way.”
That’s helpful and explains a lot. Where teens are concerned, there are times when adults need to give them step-by-step tools and techniques to make up for the fact that their prefrontal cortex is still developing. What this means is that in some cases, teens lack the neurons required for effective self-control and emotion regulation.
Tips for Talking to an Angry Teen
If you wonder why your teen gets angry so much, you probably also wonder about the most effective way to talk to an angry teen. You’ve probably already figured this out:
Getting angry back and yelling doesn’t help much, if ever, or at all. In the short-term, answering a teen tantrum with one of your own might work, but in the long-term, using anger to handle anger simply increases the amount of anger in the air, and does nothing to address or resolve the underlying issues.
Here’s an effective, evidence-based approach – G.I.V.E. – to talking to an angry teen we adapted from this excellent resource.
GIVE: Talking to Your Angry Teen
G: Be Gentle.
Be respectful and speak to your teen in a gentle, kind tone. Speak to your teen gently and respectfully. Stay calm. Regulate your own emotion. Avoid raising your voice, making accusations, and personal attacks like calling names.
I: Be Interested.
Stop whatever you’re doing and focus on your teen. When you do this, you show them that they matter their emotions matter, and what have to say matters to you. They need you full attention: put down the phone, close the laptop, and focus on them.
V: Validate.
You may not understand why they’re angry. You may have judgment about the reason they’re angry. In any case, acknowledging the existence of their anger and their right to feel it the way they feel it is an important step in helping them feel heard, understood, and respected.
E: Be Easy.
Like being gentle, this is another way of saying don’t add fuel to the fire. Maintain a calm demeanor a make yourself approachable. Stay calm and approachable. When they’re angry, avoid giving advice o trying to fix things. The best way to defuse anger is to listen calmly and make an honest attempt to understand what they’re going through.
When you take this approach with an angry teen, you not only stand a good chance of de-escalating the situation, but also learning why your teen gets angry so much. That’s a good thing, and can help you help them learn appropriate and effective ways to manage their anger, whatever the origin.
